Something evil happens in September and it continues through Easter. It’s called Holiday Candy. It’s starts with those delicious corn syrup waxy monstrosities called Candy Corn, then it turns into candy canes in every flavor imaginable, which becomes the chalky and wonderful conversation hearts and rounds out with Peeps. I know that every last one of these is not only disgusting, but horrible for me, but I am still going to eat them because I, a. love them, and b. have horrible will power.
Last night I was on a high. I have started a new job, one that I cannot wait to tell you all about because it is the perfect job for Diet Girl’s alter ego. So after a very fruitful shopping trip to CVS I decide to celebrate my success with a bag of Harvest Mix, which is essentially regular candy corn, chocolate candy corn, and mallow pumpkins. I didn’t need this, there was chocolate cake in my car from the nights dinner meeting, but I wanted that delicious bag of awful yumminess so badly. I bought it, came home, and stashed the bag on my desk.
This morning it was still sitting there. Not only was it sitting there, but I was out of my usual breakfast of yogurt. Holiday candy is Diet Girl’s kryptonite. I torn open that bag like I was a 7 year old on Christmas morning unwrapping a shiny red bike (and yes, I think it’s weird that in this analogy that parents/Santa opted to wrap the bike which must have taken several hours, a few coarse words, and at least two spiked egg nogs each). My breakfast was officially candy corn.
Candy Corn as a breakfast is truly an adult breakfast. It says, “screw you guys, I’m an adult and I can eat whatever I want.” It is not, however, the breakfast of champions. Starting the day with plasticy, corn syrupy crap might seem delightful, but it ended badly. I felt tired, I consumed no less than three cups of coffee, and it set me up for a bad day where I also consumed fast food and fried food. Worst of all, I felt really awful for having eaten candy for breakfast.
I guess Diet Girl loses this round….