Today I am going through some outfit choices for my first ever boudoir shoot. This is….terrifying to me. I try very hard to love my body, but much like an addict, going back to the bad things is so much easier. Sure my body is great. It’s healthy, it’s ambulatory, it gets me from point a to point b. I catch the negative things I say and turn it to positive. I wore the bikini to that one thing, I was naked for that other thing, I have sex with the lights on (but thanks, Weight Watchers for thinking I didn’t!), but I cannot bring myself to think of my body as “sexy”or even remotely fit for a boudoir shoot. It’s my brick wall.
So one day I am perusing Facebook and my friend and go-to photographer (because she is AMAZING!!!) is doing a thing, a project in honor of her own body confidence battle. A boudoir shoot, complete with hair and makeup, for one low price, space is limited.
I said, yes.
Today I went through a variety of clothes, or, well, lack thereof, staring at myself in the mirror trying to figure what I felt the best in. What I felt sexy in. I tried on something that is a favorite of Andrew’s but it felt wrong. This isn’t for him, this is for me. Then I found something that felt like me. Me how I want to be sexy.
I spoke with the hair and makeup person, I gave her directions for what I wanted. I want it as natural as possible I want this to be me. Honestly me. Sexy me.
There’s still two weeks, so it might change. And I might settle into the idea of being sexy more. Stay tuned for updates.